Dear Readers:

The organizers of the RCS Thanatology Café group have requested that we post this special notice:

Thanatology Café Meeting Planned for Wednesday, July 13, 2016, has been changed.
The date and time is Saturday, July 16, 2016, at 2:00 p.m. at the RCS Community Library.

Please make any necessary changes to your calendar.

Please support Thanatology Café, and important and unique community service. The public is welcome to all meetings but the organizers do request that you let them know you’ll be attending. Just send a short email to thanatologycafe@gmail.com.

Thank you!
The Editor

Say Happy Birthday to the New Skete Monastery!


Public Service Announcement

New Skete Logo two colors for email

New Skete Open House and Anniversary Concert

in association with the

Cambridge Balloon Festival and the 50th Anniversary of the Monastery’s Foundation

Famous for Breeding German Shepherds and for the Nuns’ Cheesecake!

CAMBRIDGE BALLOON FESTIVAL WEEKEND

SATURDAY, JUNE 04, 2016
10:00 AM – 4:00 PM

http://www.newskete.org
273 New Skete Lane, Cambridge, New York 12816 518-677-3928

The Day’s Schedule

Meditation Gardens, Transfiguration Temple, & Gift Shops Open
Unguided Hikes
10:00a to 4:00p

Chapel Community Bake Sale
Mountaintop Hospitality
Cookbook for Sale
10:00a to 3:00p

Puppy Socialization Demonstration
10:00a to 11:00a

Church Tour – Holy Wisdom Church
11:00a to 11:30a
1:00p to 1:30p

Nuns’ Cheesecake Bakery Tours
11:30am -12:30p
343 Ashgrove Road
518.677.3810

Dog Training Demonstration
1:00p – 1:30p

Anniversary Concert
Holy Wisdom Church
2:00p

Vigil / Vespers
5:00p

***

For more information please visit
NEWSKETE.ORG

email NSCOM@NEWSKETE.ORG

call 518-677-3928 ext. 214 or 215

Editor’s Note: This information is being published as a public service. This blog assumes no responsibility for the information contained in this announcement. The information being provided has been provided by the event organizer, who assumes all responsibility for its completeness and accuracy. Please contact the organizer for details or other information.

Dear Readers

The New Skete Monastery is one of the most peaceful and beautiful settings around, and offers traditional monastic hospitality together with profound spiritual opportunities in the beautiful mountain and forest setting. Whether you are simply looking for a peaceful place to escape the noise of routine, or you are an outdoors enthusiast, or simply a spiritual seeker, a visit to New Skete will satisfy every hunger.

This year 2016 is the 50th anniversary of the monastery’s founding by a handful of Byzantine Franciscans seeking to follow a particular path in their spiritual search. The monastery supports many community events and organizations, welcomes persons and groups seeking a beautiful setting for retreat and revival. The monks raise prize German shepherd dogs and operate an internationally recognized dog training program. The Nuns of New Skete include renowned icon artists and are famous for their cheesecakes.

But the best way to experience New Skete is to visit and there’s no better time than during the Cambridge Balloon Festival.

Please also consider making a tax-deductible donation to the monastery on the occasion of their 50th anniversary and in support of needed repairs and expansions of the existing monastery facilities.

Thank you!

The Editor

Thanatology Café Receiving Great Interest


Pastoral aspects, especially in terms of bereavement ministries, are part of the Thanatology Café experience.

crying-dying

This past May 7,  the second video in the “Death: A personal understanding” series started the discussion of what is the dying person and how that person transforms to him or herself and to those around them when a diagnosis of terminal disease is made, and death is a short time away. How did these three women react to the diagnosis of their terminal cancers? How did their loved ones react? What were their hopes for themselves and for their loved ones?

Click this link to read the Thanatology Café blog and follow the blog to get regular updates.

The next regular monthly meeting of Thantology Café is planned for June 11, 2016, at the RCS Community Library, from 2:00-4:00 p.m. Please let the organizers know if you plan to attend by either sending an email to thanatology.cafe@gmail.com or by signing up at the RCS Community Library (just ask a staffer for the sign-up sheet). The public is welcome. Refreshments will be available.

flowers+gravestone

“Passing on” isn’t dying; it’s leaving a cherished legacy


The Ethical Will, A Written Legacy:

A Gift for Generations to Come

Rev. Chaplain Harold W. Vadney M.Div.
Principal Facilitator

“Several months ago I tackled the chore of going through a box of old papers and mementos — we all go through the routine sooner or later and for different reasons — and I came across a greeting card that my grandmother had written to me on high school graduation day, which just so happened to be my 18th birthday; it was an exciting and scary time and a real rite of passage for me. It was the sixties, a time of social and political turmoil; a time of upheaval in society, morals, church and politics and I was going to be right in the thick of it. But was I ready psychologically, spiritually, at all? Now, some 40 plus years later, as I sat cradling the card in my hands and regressing to that day, I read the sacred words inscribed in elegant, careful cursive, now 15 years after my grandmother’s passing, and I realized that she had written me a testament that transmitted her values, her wishes for me, and her tender love. It was in that handwriting and as I read the words I imagined hearing her voice speaking the words to me softly, gently. It was a powerful emotional moment, and I almost choked up recalling my grief at her death. I placed that card in a special place with my most valuable mementos of my life, ensuring that it will never be lost to those coming after me. But for now, it is a special resource, a legacy that I go back to read from time to time, and is something that I will leave to my loved ones as a part of our family’s ethical history. I find myself wondering if my grandmother knew that she was leaving me a gift of such immense value, but the reflections in this rediscovered card is a treasured gift that keeps on giving, especially now she is no longer here to share her wisdom with me.” [Anonymous]

 

The word legacy by definition is “something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past.” It comes from the Latin word legare which means to gather, bring together, collect, and that’s pretty much what we do in a legacy or ethical will: we gather, bring together and collect our thoughts on what is most important to us in our lives. While we might tend to think of our legacy as the property that we’ll some day leave to our loved ones, a legacy goes far beyond the mere material. Like any gift, these legacies should be planned because what they contain and transmit is really timeless; you are transmitting values in this form of legacy, and that fact should not be forgotten. That’s actually the purpose of this legacy: to be remembered for our values. I advocate very vocally for the ongoing process of communicating— orally and in writing, better still through our actions — values and wishes throughout our lives, but once we are gone the written legacy, our ethical will becomes one of the most important heirlooms we can leave behind, a treasured endowment that we can bequeath to our loved ones and to generations to come. As in our story above, a written legacy is something, like the graduation card, that loved ones can return to again and again.imes of transition such as the birth of a child or grandchild, marriages, or the death of a loved one become reflective times and opportunities to review one’s views on the meaning and purpose of life, one’s values and what makes life sacred. These rites of passage are opportunities to enter into dialogue about your faith, beliefs and values and can become a unique legacy to generations to come.

Death is a threatening word. Most everyone reacts to a death with some measure of anxiety and sense of loss no matter what the circumstances, whether sudden and unanticipated, traumatic and violent, or peaceful after a long life lived well, what we call a “good death”. Sometimes the myriad emotions accosting us resolve more quickly and healing sets in, but more often the case that they hang on for some time and persist in some form as we, the bereaved, make the pilgrimage through the uncharted territory of grief, transformation, healing, and transcendence that inevitably sequels death.

Our anxiety is so uncomfortable because it is the sign of hyperawareness, we’ve been ripped from the comfort of our little nest of denial and avoidance. We are forced into awareness and must acknowledge a dread mystery, and inevitability we’d had previously contented ourselves with hiding under wraps; that camouflage of denial that cruelly allowed us to skip through life thinking that there is always time and many more opportunities ahead is finally lifted. When the veil is suddenly raised we become aware that life is fleeting, delicate, relatively brief or “too short”, and that awareness demands our fullest attention and reflection. At those difficult times we may well reflect on the meaning of that life, our own lives, and what remains and what will be remembered. As mortal beings, we have the ability to picture a world, in which we are no longer physically present, and we feel the pain of being sidelined, even forgotten. There’s a saying that goes like this: “We die three times: once when we take our last breath, a second time when our bodies are no longer, a third time when our name is no longer spoken.” It’s that final annihilation, the final erasure that comes when we or our legacy is forgotten. It’s this awesome thought that compels us to find opportunities leave something durable and valuable to those who survive us.

Now the big question is: Whether we will seize this existential opportunity to take advantage the time left to us and to create a thoughtful, valuable, meaningful endowment fashioned with our memories, values, hearts, or will we allow our roots, our lives, our values to become just dust in the winds of time?

To read, download or print the complete essay, click this link: The Ethical Will_a written legacy

"Passing on" doesn't just mean dying; it means leaving a cherished legacy.

“Passing on” doesn’t just mean dying; it means leaving a cherished legacy.

Thanatology Café – Mark your calendars.


The Next Session of Thanatology Café will be on

Saturday, May 7, 2016, from 2:00 —4:00 p.m.
in the Community Room
RCS Community Library
95 Main Street
Ravena, New York

We ask that you sign up at the RCS Community Library or at thanatology.cafe@gmail.com so that the organizers have some idea of how many participants will join us and so that we can plan for refreshments.

The topic of the session and the accompanying video for discussion will be:

May 7, 2016, Video 2. The Dying Person
When we are told that we are terminally ill, we are defined, more than ever, by the limits of our bodies. In this program, we meet three women — each diagnosed with a different form of cancer — who handle their limitations in different ways. The role of palliative care is viewed in depth, as well as how family relationships change under the pressure of the diagnosis.

The recent National Geographic articles on death and Victorian mortuary photography will be part of the discussion on the topic of how we view death and dying.

One-on-one discussion will follow with Ch. Harold for those who want to discuss personal issues.

 

Let's talk about it.

Let’s talk about it.

We are working on offering the Thanatology Café program at the Albany Public Libraries, the Guilderland Public Library, Troy Public Library and the Bethlehem (Delmar) Public Library. If you live in those areas and are interested in joining the conversation, please let us know. We’ll be happy to start a local program near you. Just let us know at thanatology.café@gmail.com.
You can also follow this blog and receive automatic notification whenever a new post appears or a comment is posted.

Life Choices, Live Options: Discuss them with your family


The Choices of a Lifetime: Awareness and Education about Options

An Important Essay by Rev. Chaplain Harold W. Vadney B.A., [M.A.], M.Div., Principal Facilitator, Thanatology Café

Have that talk soon.

Have that talk soon.

I’ve always had this fear, this anxiety that seems to swell up at times and I feel an icy cold deep within me. Sometimes I have to jump out of bed only to find that my legs can hardly carry me. I’m terrified. Am I dying? There’s something about the dark, about night, the quiet that allows this though to take me down in a strangle hold. It shouts deafeningly silently in my ears but with the first hint of daylight, it vanishes as abruptly as it appeared.

After discussing these occurrences with my spiritual guide, he suggested that I was not experiencing an existential crisis, that I’m not in a state of death anxiety or fear of death episode but that I had other concerns. I’ve reflected on that suggestion and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not the dying that I fear most, it’s my dignity, my autonomy, the control over my final moments. If I were to be found in a coma or dead in my bed, or if I lapsed into a persistent vegetative state, Who would make my decisions for me? Who would decide what were to become of me while still living or when I’m dead? Who would know what I would want? What would I choose? It’s the fear of not being able to chose for myself that makes me panic. [Anonymous]

Those of us in the helping professions see this situation all too often and never cease to be amazed rarely people and healthcare professionals talk about what could be  the most important subjects in our lives: death, dying and our options for pre-death and post-death care. One of the reasons why the general population avoids the discussion is because it’s uncomfortable and creates anxiety, raises primeval fears, and disrupts our principal coping mechanism: denial. Physicians and healthcare providers don’t like the subject because any death represents a blow to their egos, a failure.

But a thanatologist’s, I’m going to take the risk of dissolving hope, creating anxiety, and shredding the veil of denial. Playing the ostrich and plunging our heads into the sand won’t hold death or dying or the important decisions associated with transition and bereavement in abeyance or make them go away. You have to have the guts to face these realities, to discuss them, and to take the bull by the horns and make some decisions for your own sake and for the sake of your survivors. The talk about pre- and post-death options, the realities, the myths, the rituals and the resources cannot be postponed until someone pulls a sheet over your head. Our ability to embrace life fully is not contingent on our efforts deny death, because when we take that we do ourselves a disservice and our families an injustice. We discuss, negotiate, plan and execute options in other areas of life so why not acknowledge the end-of-life options?

To read, print or download the entire essay, please click this link: Choices of a Lifetime-Essay

Share Your Choices and Options with your Family

Share Your Choices and Options with your Family

Wounded Helpers: Thanatology Café


The experience of a death brings with it a host of emotions including anxiety, loss, sadness, depression, and anger, and many more. You need to talk to someone about these experiences but it has to be someone who is nonjudgmental, who knows how to listen, who has had similar experience and wants to share your pain. We call that person a wounded helper.

heart to heart


When my husband was killed, I felt an overwhelming sense of isolation, anxiety, anger. As I made my way through my daily and weekly routines, I felt weighed down by something I really couldn’t put my finger on it. Then I heard about Thanatology Café and decided to give it a try even though I was never one to sit and share in a discussion group. Now I am amazed by how much I look forward to the monthly two-hour gathering and to the occasional “extraordinary” session when I can sit in a room with others who truly understand are want to hear about what I am going through. We wounded healers have met have become so special to each other and share such strength and support. I don’t feel so alone because I realize others suffer, too, but differently. In this room with our facilitator and my companions, I have the courage to face life and death, to talk about it, to heal, and to laugh again.” [Anonymous]


The quote above describes a very common sentiment, one that you may be experiencing when thinking about joining the Thanatology Café group. The death of someone close to you suddenly and violently changes your life. You are faced with a multitude of emotions all at once, with unpleasant experiences, hard decisions, and unexpected changes that need to be confronted and managed; the unthinkable has to be assimilated into what was once a normal life but is now a life changed forever.

To read, print or download my complete essay, click this link A discussion group_who needs it_handout.

Thanatology Café Rev. Ch. Harold Principal Facilitator

Thanatology Café
Rev. Ch. Harold
Principal Facilitator